To the woman I always see yelling at her kids....

Who do you think you are, picking on little children who are barely learning their words let alone having logic behind their decisions? You think by yelling at them you will be heard. You think screaming will get your point across. Well, we get it.... You're mad. You don't always like what your kids are doing, but guess what? They're kids. They don't always have the ability to think things through. And guess what else? They. Are. Kids. They should be making messes and getting dirty. It should take them an hour to eat a meal. They will spill drinks and leave crumbs under the table. Playing with water in the bathroom sink when they should be going potty is totally normal. They may not walk as fast or move as quickly as you want them to.
They are tiny, lovable and innocent. They don't think like us and they don't hurry through things just to get the day done. They live for the moment. They aren't worried about what bills need to get paid, how much housework needs to get done, or where their next meal is coming from. All they are worried about is that their green crayon just broke or that they can't find their favorite toy. Their lives are much more simple (just as our lives were when we were their age).
Maybe you should learn some lessons from them. Slow down and relax. Maybe it should take an hour to eat a meal because we are actually taking time to chew it and taste it and maybe, heaven forbid, having a little fun eating it. Maybe we all should walk a little slower and enjoy the beautiful things around us. Step back, mommy, and allow yourself to see the world through your child's eyes. Stop yelling. All it is accomplishing is (temporarily) scaring your child into doing whatever you are trying to get them to do. Instead, take it easy, breathe, maybe get your camera and pause to capture some of the good times. Make memories... Good ones. Not memories full of stressed out yelling. Stop rushing through your life (and your child's) and enjoy every moment you can. Your kids will not be small for long.
Your life will be so much more enjoyable if you sit back and let things just happen. You may have to accept the fact that it is sometimes necessary to do things on a different level than you are used to. You are not always in control. So as I sit here looking in the mirror at the woman I always see yelling at her children, I beg her, please pay attention to the words in this post. You love your family more than anything in the universe so why is it okay to take out your frustrations and stress on them? Life is short and time is precious. Value it and use the time wisely. Choose your words and actions wisely.
You can't bully your kids into doing things the way you want. Instead, teach them kindly by taking their hands and walking (at a childlike pace) through all of the joyful beauty their childhood has to offer.

The kid in our kitchen....

This morning was like every morning. I got the kids to the kitchen table for breakfast without much argument. I shamefully admit I opted for sugar cereal since it was fast and easy. The kids were quietly eating their cereal. It seemed the sugary, goodness of Cocoa Puffs kept them focused on getting through their meal and onto the next thing. Mason knows the faster he eats, the faster he gets to drink the chocolate milk that's left behind from the cereal. I recently purchased a box of Cookie Crisp, thinking the kids would like it as a snack. They didn't like it so rather than waste it, I have been working on getting it eaten myself. I had just finished my last bite and found my mind wandering to thoughts of brushing my teeth since there was now a sugary build up (that only a child could truly appreciate) in my mouth. I took my bowl to the sink and rinsed it while the kids finished up.
Mason, who is a few months shy of four, said, "Look, Mommy, there is a kid right there." And he pointed towards the corner of the room. I looked over and, of course, seeing no one there, asked, "Where?" He pointed again and said, "Right there, Mommy!" I told him I didn't see anyone. He said, "Does that kid have a mommy?" My heart at this point was beating really fast and I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach that usually comes when watching a scary movie. I am a firm believer that kids are much closer to "the other side" than adults. Was this some little spirit that Mason is seeing for some reason? Was it just possibly an imaginary friend? Mason kept talking about this "kid" and I wasn't sure what to think. What is going on? I was getting a little scared and even thought for a moment I would call my husband for some comfort. Again, I asked, "Where? What kid?" And again Mason pointed but this time he said, "Those kids, there!" Oh great, I thought, they are multiplying. I said, "Show me!" Mason looked me in the eyes and in a very frustrated tone said, "Right there. On the box!" I looked over to the cereal boxes that were sitting on the table and there, on the Cookie Crisp box were two kids, as plain as day!
Lessons learned:
1- I have maybe seen too many scary movies
2- Its good to get clarification on things before jumping to conclusions

Potty break....

I was doing the normal nightly routine; getting dinner ready, cleaning up the cooking mess when I decided it was definitely time for a potty break. My bladder was about to burst. I headed for the rest room and passed my three year old along the way. He was counting. I paid little attention and shut the bathroom door behind me. I sat down and proceeded to "take care of business" when I heard a noise coming from the shower. Hmm... Interesting. I pulled back the shower curtain and there stood my husband and 18 month old daughter. There they were, fully clothed, looking at me with big grins plastered on their faces. We all began to laugh. I finished my business, washed my hands, went into the living room and told my son to look in the bathroom.
I will take two things from this experience...
1- always check for company in the bathroom when the rest of the family is playing hide and seek, and
2- my husband and daughter have the quiet skills of a ninja!

To ban children or not to ban....

I have been hearing a lot of chatter out there lately about companies banning children from entering their premises. It seems it is becoming quite popular actually. Now, I can definitely see both sides of this argument. There is nothing worse or more annoying than going somewhere (especially a restaurant) and having unruly children all around you. I have come pretty close to telling parents off in some cases, though I know it would do no good. But I see nothing wrong with well-behaved kids enjoying a great experience with their parents and families.

I think what the ban really boils down to is that parents aren't parenting. It is our responsibility as parents to teach our kids the right (and wrong) way to act in public places. I heard someone say once that these bans will only create a bunch of adults who don't know how to act in public. If a child isn't allowed into these establishments they will never have a chance to learn. How can I as a responsible parent teach my kids how to behave in a restaurant, for instance, if they aren't allowed in one?

Kids are just that... kids. We can't blame them. Why should they be punished for their parent's lack of responsibility? We have all been to Walmart or other stores and have seen kids running wild through the aisles, climbing shelves, hiding in clothing racks, throwing bouncy balls or other objects. We have all been to a restaurant and watched children climb all over the booth bench, scream or cry, throw or drop food everywhere, run around the tables almost tripping a server with a tray of food. I can definitely see why businesses are having to go to such harsh extremes, they just simply cannot depend on the parents to take care of their kids. I get that. But some of us don't allow our kids to behave that way. Some of us would get up and remove our children from the situation long before it ever got to that extreme. I think perhaps a better way of dealing with this matter (rather than a ban) is to have signs posted that read something like this, "We have the right to deny service to anyone. If your child is unruly, loud or a nuisance, you will be asked to leave."  And then the business needs to actually follow through with the threat, rather than worrying about what the customer might do or say. I know this would create issues of what defines an unruly child or perhaps stir up other issues but I think overall it would be a better solution. 

I have often gotten weird looks from other patrons when I squat down after a meal to pick up the food my kids have dropped on the floor or taken Mason to the restroom/car for a stern talk when he starts to get ornery, loud or act up in public places and I have no idea what thoughts are behind those weird looks but I don't really care. All I care about is that my kids will be raised with manners and they will absolutely know what is and is not acceptable in public.

So to those businesses out there thinking of joining the child bans, please keep in mind those of us who actually care about how our kids act in public. Please do not punish everyone when you can simply just ask the ill-mannered ones to leave. Companies have no shirt, no shoes policies or no smoking policies, so let's try a bad child policy... no, better yet, let's call it an irresponsible parent policy.

Kill the beast....

As much as I would like the title of this post to simply be a quote from a classic movie ("Beauty and the Beast" for those who may not know), it is actually a tale of terror.
I needed some motivation today so I decided maybe some sunshine would help. I went to the living room window to open the blinds only to find a very large, very fuzzy, blackish/gray spider perched on one of the blind slats. I rushed to the kitchen to get the fly swatter. As I approached the window I realized I could no longer see the spawn of Satan anywhere. I immediately started searching for the creature. How could this be? I was only gone for seconds. How could he have disappeared so quickly?
Then suddenly my heart felt like it plummeted to my stomach. I instantly dropped the fly swatter and started shaking my clothes and hair while dancing... okay, violently throwing my body around the room. Did it jump on me as I turned to leave the room moments before? Had he sensed my plan to "get" him so now he was carrying out an evil defense plan to get me first? I came to the conclusion that it wasn't on me. Okay, good. Now what, though? I walked to the entrance of the room and tried to assess the situation from a safe distance. Where could it be? I walked back over to the window and peeked through the open slats to see if I could see anything, all the while feeling like I was being watched. Oh yes, I know he is sitting there somewhere, peering down at me, laughing, thinking 'She'll never find me now and even if she does she won't come anywhere near me. She knows I will scurry in her direction, maybe jump a little, and she will run screaming from the room.'
I returned to my thinking zone, away from the window, wondering what to do. I could shake the curtains, move the couch, open the blinds with the string rather than the stick. I know if I do nothing I will not only spend every day wondering what room he may have wandered into but I will be spending every night awake, looking around the room, hoping it hasn't ended up in any of the family member's beds. Doing nothing is not an option. I must kill the beast.

To be continued.....

So here's the update. It wasn't nearly as entertaining as the original event. I forgot to follow up earlier.
About two weeks after this experience, I was sweeping the kitchen floor. I saw a dried up leaf from a plant and swept across it with the broom. Suddenly, it started moving. It wasn't a leaf. It was a spider. THE spider. There he was, the furry little creature that I had seen previously. He ran under the water cooler and I quickly yelled for my husband to come to my rescue.
Here he came, my knight in shining armour. Valiant, brave and strong. He moved the water cooler and said, "This little thing is what has been scaring you?" I said, "Well, its not THAT little." He proceeded to kill the spider... sorry to any creature friends out there, we have a rule around here that if the creature is outside it can live but if it enters our home, anything goes. After the deed was done I made the comment to my husband that the little spider made it pretty far in his travels. To which my husband replied, "I'll bet it jumped on your shoulder when you opened the blinds and you brought it to the kitchen."
Well, so much for my knight in shining armour. Thanks, honey, for the happy thoughts.

Cheers to Five Years

We've all heard someone say (or seen posts on facebook, twitter, instagram, etc) something along the lines of... "I have the best husband in the whole world!" I am glad that so many women are blessed to have such great guys in their lives. And yes, I have said that phrase myself and will say it again... I have the best husband in the whole world... or perhaps just in MY world (because who am I to say my husband is better than yours). Jeff is the perfect man in MY world.
I have been truly blessed with a husband so perfect that I couldn't have gotten one better if I sat down and created him myself. Rather than getting all mushy and lovey-dovey with pet names and sweet little things he has done for me, I want to share our reality with you. As we approach our anniversary I can't help but think back on the time we've been together. My what a journey it has been. We have been given more trials (I'm talking big, big ones) in our five years together than some people have in their entire lives.
In five years we have experienced huge, life altering events that will forever change the way we think and the way we approach things that come our way in this life. Things I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. I will touch on a few but please know that just seeing a quick sentence on a blog will in no way truly express the feelings, emotion and stress involved in each of these obstacles.
- We have faced the ugliness of Jeff's dad struggling with alcoholism & the heartache of having him walk out of the lives of his kids and grand kids.
- We tried for 7 1/2 months to get pregnant with our first child and once we were finally successful, I was put on bed rest from 13 weeks through the duration of the pregnancy, worrying the entire time that we would lose the baby. I don't know that our midwife even thought it would work out.
- My mom was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer approximately one month before we found out we were pregnant with our first child.
- Once our baby was finally ready to come to this world, he swallowed meconium and had to be in the NICU for a week with ventilators, oxygen, feeding tubes, etc.
- My mom faced cancer two more times after the original diagnosis, going through chemo and treatments each time.
- We had our second child with no pregnancy problems but the night after having her I had a central retinal vein occlusion (blood clot in my eye that hemorrhaged) and am now virtually blind in my right eye.
- My mom's cancer came back a fourth time and she was very, very ill. We pretty much lived at my parent's home for a little over a month so I could help care for her.
- My mom passed away.
- Jeff broke his hand days before my mom passed and had to have pins put in it.
- We spent months going through my mom's things trying to divide them and then figure out what to do with what we were keeping.
- And now, yesterday, I found out from my doctor that down the road, because of complications from the existing problems in my eye, there is a possibility that I could lose my entire eye and have to get a prosthetic.

Yes, folks, this has all happened just since Jeff and I got married. Actually, it has all happened in the last 4 of the 5 years we've been married. And sadly, I actually left out some events just for the sake of space on this blog and your time reading it.
I know there are guys out there that would have run for the hills by now after all of this stressful craziness that I now just refer to as "my life". If they didn't actually run, they'd at least wish they could. Instead of running away from my health problems, drama, heartache & my insanity, he sits next to me, closer than ever with his arm around me, asking what he can do to make things easier for me. I usually (tearfully) respond with something like, "I'm sorry I'm such a mess." In which he replies, "You're not a mess. I love you and I'm here for you."
Earlier in this post I said Jeff is the best husband in my world but what I should have said is that he IS my world. My kids are my world and that is all that matters. We have survived all of the challenges we've been faced with. We survived them because of love. Jeff and I love each other. We love our kids. Our kids love us. What more can we ask for? I have learned that with love you can achieve anything. You can conquer even the most challenging moments in your life with love on your side.
I don't know what I would do without Jeff in my life. And whether he likes it or not, he's stuck with me for eternity. So here's to hoping the worst is behind us and that the best is yet to be.
Happy Anniversary, Jeff. I love you!

The "S" word...

Why is it that when we want our kids to listen to us we have to repeat ourselves ten times but when we'd rather they not hear us they can repeat every word we say?  I ask myself several times a day if my three year old needs hearing aides because I have to say things so many times (and even then it sometimes doesn't do any good). Yet when I am speaking to adults, thinking he is out of ear shot or just simply not paying attention, he suddenly calls me on everything I say.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I have been put in time out by my three year old for saying the "S" word. I never realized how much I say the word "stupid". I have gotten after our son several times for saying it and in the past few weeks he has gotten after me. I will be in the front seat of the car with my husband and when I mention another drivers stupidity I quickly hear my son from the back seat say, "Mommy, you said stupid.Your in time out". Or maybe I am looking for something around the house and say something under my breath like 'where is that stupid remote?' I suddenly hear, "Mommy, you said a naughty word. Your in time out." So after having been called out on my consistent use of the word "stupid" so many times over the past few weeks, I am really starting to realize that I need to clean up my vocabulary. I am spending more an more time in time out and I am not being a very good example to my kids. I am learning an important lesson from my three year old about being nice and not saying "bad" words. My time outs are giving me a moment to think of what message I am giving my kids about negativity. When I am negative I am teaching them to be negative. So as I sit here in time out for a "moment of reflection", I am making a promise that I will promote positive thinking and try my very hardest to remove the word "stupid" from my vocabulary.